


Don't Be Afraid, You're Already Dead

by distresseddetective



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-15 02:10:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5767279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/distresseddetective/pseuds/distresseddetective
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jason's been shot in the throat and he's dying (again) the batfam try their best but lose him (again) but not forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So umm this is my first time publishing anything I write and I have adhd so there are most definitely a lot of grammar mistakes please tell me if there are! I wrote this because I kinda wondered what if Jason couldn't die anymore? Or rather not by being shot or anything. This was also written when I had homework and was stressed so that's why it turned out the way it did. I might add more if a similar situation arises. Anyway enjoy!

              Jason could see it coming. So could a lot of people, but he in particular knew that this would happen one day. He knew that after all of his rantings and angry outbursts that one day he would die again. He knew that his coming back wasn't forever. No one lives forever. He just didn't know that his time would be up (again) so soon since the last. All of this ran through his head as he felt the bullet burry itself in his neck. He knew it was fatal. As he fell backward everything was in slow motion (just like last time). He saw the looks of realization spreading across his brothers faces. He couldn't see Bruce though, he could never see Bruce when he needed to. 

              As he lay on the ground he saw that Tim was the first to run to him. This made Jason laugh, given he'd spent a number of years trying to kill the kid. Calling him his replacement, beating him within an inch of his life, these were just a few of the terrible things he'd done to him. Jason may have still been crazy from his dip in the pit and Tim may have already forgiven him but he still regretted everything mean he's done to Tim. The kid really didn't deserve it, not in the least. 

             As Tim started putting pressure on the surely gushing wound in Jason's neck he saw Dick throw his escrima stick at the thug who'd caught them off guard in the alleyway. Or more specifically had caught Jason off guard. For the life of him he didn't know how. Surely when he was gone the rest of his family would probably find out that the man was a secret assassin or something. Jason thought of the man as an assassin to save his own pride, when it was probably in actuality just some guy high on heroin or something. Dick didn't bother to look and see if he'd hit them man (he did) he instead chose to run to Jason and kneel at his side. He was saying something over and over, repeating it like a mantra. Jason couldn't hear whatever it was though, the throbbing in his head was too loud. He tried reading his lips but to no avail. Dick looked like a mess, there was a lot of tears running down his face and snot dripping from his nose. If Jason could have he would have said something snarky but there was too much blood in his mouth and all that came out were strange gurgling sounds. This in turn made Dick cry harder.  

            Damien was there, surprisingly that night Damien had said he'd join them in a patrol of the city. Jason should have seen it as some sort of omen. But, as hard a time he gives the kid he really likes him. Of course Jason wouldn't say that to his face. He's pretty sure Damien knew though, because of all he must of heard he'd done to try and bring him back from the dead. Even put aside Bruce's dickishness to at least try. Damien stood off a little ways. Close enough for Jason to see the grim disbelief on his face. He was looking at the scene very clearly understanding that Jason only had about a minute before he would finally be on his way out again. Jason appreciated the kid's concerned look being plainly visible given he could usually hide his face so well.  

             Finally Jason thought he might see Bruce. But he didn't. Again he would die without seeing him. There'd been a part of him that thought that maybe in the future when he died he would have already made amends with all of the bad blood in their relationship. That maybe he would die peacefully with Bruce at his side (because he'd never even thought of Bruce dying before him). Jason's vision started fading just in time to see Tim's previously serious face deteriorate into one of ugly sobbing. It would have made Jason laugh a little under different circumstances.  

             Everything was going black. Jason had had nightmares about dying again. He remembered the sensation. Remembered what it felt like. He was scared. He could feel tears running down his ever colder face. He could feel himself reach up searching for something to hold. At last someone grabbed his hand and brought it closer to something else. He could feel the cowl, he could feel the tears and sweat. He knew that Bruce was here for him. Suddenly he felt a little less frightened. Everything went black. 

\--- 

             It would be a couple hours before he would wake up once more. He would feel the coldness slowly leave him in place for the usual warmth. He would also feel a familiar pain that he hadn't felt in years. His vision would come back slightly, leaving him squinting. He's in a room with harsh lighting and sitting on something incredible cold. Jason sits up and tries to figure out his surroundings. Everything is still too bright. Just then whatever he was sitting on moves like its on wheels and he falls off. He reaches for bearings but finds none. He tries to get out his cell phone or anything from one of his coat pockets but realizes that he is in fact naked on the floor. He stands up and rubs his eyes. Where is he? His vision clears and he knows now why it was so cold. He's in an autopsy room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason wakes up from his second death and contemplates his past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for telling me that you liked the first chapter! It's really gotten me motivated! So this story will have some more chapters I'm just not sure how many it'll turn out to be just yet. I had a lot of trouble trying to figure out how Jason would respond to not being dead again so I'll probably be a bit off with his characterization sorry in advance. It's really tough to write him in a way that separates how I perceive him as being and the way he really is. But I mean it'll probably be better then his current writers in the comic books (I felt the need to bash them I'm sorry) As usual sorry for grammar mistakes etc. Enjoy!

          An autopsy room. It all came rushing back. He'd died again. Jason had died again. This time it had been by a bullet and in the arms of his family.

          He tried getting up but found that his legs weren't working properly. He tried wiggling his toes but they wouldn't move. Rigamortis, Jason thought, it had to be. Since it was only affecting his legs he must have only been dead for a couple hours. He had a flashback to when he'd woken up the first time around. When he'd had to dig himself out of a grave with frozen fingers.  

          As Jason sat on the cold tiled floor of the autopsy room he started to wonder how exactly he'd come back this time around. Why hadn't he stayed dead for the years he had previously? He touched the place on his throat that the bullet had entered. Curiously he found it was still bleeding, not enough to kill him or anything. The wound was bleeding like he'd gotten a paper cut or something minor and the hole that should have been there wasn't. It was like he was healing.  

          Jason looked around the room and saw the table next to the one he'd fallen off of. It was much smaller and he recognized it as the one that held the tools to perform an autopsy. He could see the bloody bullet they pulled from his throat, alongside bloody knives and scalpels. He then experienced a frantic moment of panic as he clutched at his chest to make sure that his stomach wasn't hanging open. To his relief the scars from his previous autopsy stayed just that, scars. They must have realized that the definite cause of death was the bullet to the throat. God, this is so fucked up. He couldn't help but think about how he must be one of the only people on earth to have to worry about shit like this.  

          Why was this happening to him anyway? In the wee hours of the night Jason had often found himself wondering why it was that his life had turned out the way it had. Most of the bad things in his life had been out of his control. His father's incarceration and then eventual death, his mother dying in his arms when he was still a kid, and then his eventual death at the hands of the joker after having been betrayed by his newly found birth mother. Even though Jason knew that he couldn't have prevented those things from happening, nor could they be changed, he still felt responsible for them. He had a constant feeling of guilt that he knows he'll carry around with him for the rest of his life. When he thinks of these things he lashes out so that he doesn't have to deal with them or himself. That was part of the reason he masqueraded as the red hood at night, because that's when he was at his worst. What if that was the same with all the batkids? What if that was also true of Bruce? 

          Just then it hit him, hard, that he'd died again. He'd been aware of it but hadn't really accepted it as a truth until he thought of Bruce and his brothers.  

          Jason brought his hands to his face and felt pathetic. He was so fucked. He'd died (again) and was brought back (again). Why couldn't he just catch a god damn break. He thought maybe this was his karma for being an asshole his whole life. Maybe he deserved to never be given death, to constantly live with himself and all the stuff he's done. He's hurt a lot of people. He'd hurt his friends and the people who'd only recently come to call him a part of the family. did he truly deserve to be allowed to 'go gently into the night' or whatever. All he's ever done for the people that have tried to help him was hurt them. That's why so many people refused to talk to him. Even before he'd died he'd had strained relationships with most of the people he knew. This was partly because he'd taken Dick's spot as robin. He'd come to learn later in life that it was also because a lot of people considered him to be the worst of all the robin's Bruce has trained. Jason, being who he is, never really acknowledged that as the truth, he would seethe about it but never go out of his way to claim differently. He felt like it was the truth that he couldn't acknowledge because if he did he knew that his life would have meant nothing. All the good that came out of the years he knew Bruce before, would mean nothing to anyone but him. 

         Jason's mind spiraled further and further into things that he wouldn't talk about and try to push to the farthest reaches of his mind. 

         Jason stood up and decided he needed to leave, they were probably going to come back to finish the autopsy eventually. First, he needed to find his gear. He couldn't exactly go out onto the streets naked. He didn't need to figure out why it was he came back just yet. First he had to figure out what to do with himself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim and the family deal with the immediate aftermath of Jason's second death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so once again I'm really uncertain with the characterizations. I kept writing things and being like "He wouldn't do that" so know that I tried my best. I'm actually not super familiar with Tim in the comics. I've only just started reading young justice and all that so I feel like I only know the bare minimum about him. Also once again thanks for all the kudos! It really means a lot. Alrighty I think that's all I have to say enjoy!

Tim sat in an armchair watching the burning fire in front of him. The Wayne library smelt like home, it was the place he felt most comfortable in the entirety of the mansion. It reminded him of when he was starting out as robin and spending all his time reading books Dick had recommended (only to find Jason's name scribbled on the inside cover). He hadn't changed since they'd returned a half hour ago. His gloves still darker than they should be, and hands wetter. He stared at the flames as they ate at a log of wood that was beginning to crack in half from the heat. 

Tim was trying to process what had just happened, what he'd seen, what he couldn’t do. He knew that eventually they'd all have to talk about it, but while Alfred was setting things up for Jason- Jason's body to be moved to someone they trusted, he decided to stay as far away from everyone as possible. They would have to give him to the police and make it seem like he was just another person who'd died on the street. They couldn't give him a public funeral as one of the Wayne's like Bruce had had last time, Jason wasn't a member of the 'Wayne family' so they couldn't be affiliated with him. Apparently the plan was to get Bruce Wayne to volunteer to take care of the funeral of this unknown young adult as an act of kindness and sympathy. Jason would now be known as the stranger buried among the Waynes. 

Dick walked into the room and laid a hand on Tim's shoulder. his hand was bloody in a different way than Tim's were.  

Tim remembered how after Jason had stopped breathing Dick had gone silent. He walked a couple feet away and started punching the alley wall as hard as he could. He wouldn't stop. Tim remembered the solemn look on Damien's face as he looked away from Jason's unmoving form to Dick.  

"Stop." Damien said in almost a whisper as he walked over the Dick. "you'll break your ha-" 

"What does it matter!" Dick yelled. "Jason is dead and I could have done something!" 

"you couldn't-" Damien started. 

"Like hell I couldn't have! Why did I not notice!" His voice began to crack "He was getting better. We- we were finally getting him back and... and" Dick stopped punching the wall and looked up towards the night sky. The stars were shrouded by the clouds.  

Tim looked up to see Damien hugging Dick from behind, they both started to cry.  

He remembered the way he still hadn’t moved his hands from Jason's throat. Tim knew he was gone but a part of him still believed that maybe if he just kept his hands where they needed to be he'd still be ok. That maybe he hadn't lost him yet. That maybe he hadn't failed at saving someone again. 

As Tim came back to himself he looked up from the fire to Dick's face which was pulled into a sympathetic frown. Even when he was struggling Dick always made sure that everyone else was alright before himself. Tim always thought highly of him for that, but right now he needed to be reassured just as much as anyone else. He needed to take time for himself as others are. After all, He'd lost his brother again. 

Tim glanced over at Dick's hand and then back at Dick "you should really bandage that." He looked back into the fire. He'd never been good at comforting people. 

"Bruce wants us to meet in the cave." Dick said moving his hand off Tim's shoulder. "You should probably go get changed first." He left and Tim felt hollow again. 

\--- 

As Tim made his way to his room he listened as his cape dragged along the floor. He thought absently that he might be leaving a trail. He doesn’t really know if it's covered in blood too, everything seems like it has blood on it.  

He stared straight ahead of himself, knowing that if he looked to his left he might look into Jason's old room as he'd often dreaded doing in the past. From now on he would for a different reason. As he walked he heard noise coming from Damian's room. For a moment Tim thought of how Dick might react to the small sobs coming from the room. Tim thought that Dick would probably politely knock and open the door, would probably sit on the bed next to where Damian was probably sitting. Dick was great at being a people person, he always somehow knew what to say. Tim on the other hand felt like he couldn't do anything right. He'd couldn't save his brother and he couldn't make anyone feel better. 

Tim had lost people before, it's always bad, no matter how many times it happens it was always terrible. In the line of work that they're in it's almost inevitable, That had been obvious from the get go, but it always left you so alone. 

When Tim finally got to his room and finally got in the shower he noticed just how much blood had been on his hands. He nearly gagged at the sight. Instead, he furiously scrubbed his hands clean until the shower tiles had red between them. He blinked tears out of his eyes. 

\--- 

Eventually everyone would find their way down to the batcave, Bruce was the only one still in uniform. 

"Master Wayne, you should really change let me take care of notifying the rest of the family." Alfred said, concern seeping from each word. 

"No, they should hear it from me" Bruce was sitting at the batcomputer, back turned to the rest of them. 

"Bruce... let me and Tim tell Cass and Steph, you should really take a break" Dick said walking over to stand next to Bruce. "You've just lost your son, you need to rest."  

Bruce put his head in his hands while his elbows rested on the computer's keyboard. They all waited in silence for a couple minutes before he started speaking again. "I need to keep working, tell batgirl and spoiler. They'll be on the south side of Gotham tonight... they were covering redhood's neighborhood." They stood in silence again before agreeing and walking out of the cave. 

As they left Tim got an idea and stood next to Dick on the way up the lift.  

"You should stay here tonight, I'll go and tell them." He said staring at the cave wall rushing past them. "You should take your own advice on this one, you may not have lost a son but you lost a brother and you've been comforting everybody since you had that breakdown." Tim said looking up at his brother who stared down at him. He suddenly looked infinitely sadder than he did the previous moment. So much kept happening to him these days, even before tonight. He didn’t say no.  

Damien was silent. 


End file.
